I had a dream: I stood before a host
Of silent eyelids brooding on my way
To judge my sacrifice, and sift my boast;
To take the mixture of my heart, and weigh
How rich the motor of my courage ran
When all was lost, yet dying felt too cheap
To purchase glory with my final stand –
Sidelong with Death, and watched his cruel sweep.

That dread tribunal, which all soldiers know
Will one day summon us to give account
For every time our valor bid us go
At dawn’s cold beckon, up onto the mount
From which we might not come again. My ire
Rose hot within me: “Dare you think to tell
With gaunt numbers, how savage burned our fire,
Or paint the ochre with your beggar’s quill?

“That hue of blood stood on me in the end,
Besmudged with tears, as in the smoking hush
I carried him I had so long called friend,
Whose laugh had borne me through so close a brush
With destiny’s cold touch. And if that cost
Brooks not your satisfaction, take this breath
And hold in trust for his! My heart was lost
The day I could not join him in his death.”

The guarded eyes around me seemed to wane,
As all alone I stood to hear my doom.
But of a sudden One who knew my name,
Without me ever saying, filled the room.
For this was my Commander. “Child of war,”
He said to me, “Take comfort; I have known
The burden that you long have struggled for.
My Spirit gently tells you: Lay it down.”

“But Lord,” I cried, “They do not understand
How deep the pain goes underneath this veil
Of strength and honor; or how weak this hand,
When most I needed courage. I have failed.”
He shook His head. “No, you have only lived.
I know, you loved him. But a better word
Than his speaks from the altar now. My life
For yours,” He smiled. “There is no greater love.”

Veterans Day, 2019

Photo Credit: http://www.army.mil

Author: Jeremy Vogan

My name is Jeremy Vogan. I live in Staunton, VA with my wife and four kids. I love to write, and seek to honestly explore the intellectual and emotional implications of following Jesus as a deeply broken person in a twisted, cruel world that is full of veiled beauty and meaning. Writing is part of how I faithfully look for Jesus Christ to someday make all things new. I'd enjoy hearing your feedback! JV